Matilda: Thank you for pouring out your heart here and for your faith. I went through something similar in 1993 (couldn't see my kids for many months until a custody order spelled out exactly when both parents could be with the kids and they were 6 and 3).
Had to MISS my boy's 7th birthday and a few months felt like forever. Our own imagination of what may be happening (how our kids might be reacting) is so much harder than reality so acceptance is indeed the big thing.
If you don't have faith, then your worst case scenario could come true (and that's terrifying because the worst case I imagine is always worse than reality). I think life would be so intolerable if I didn't believe in God and a higher purpose, that everything happens for a reason or because He allows it.
But if you DO have faith, you know there is a plan and that God finds a way to combine your suffering with love to create a Divine Mercy that wouldn't othewise be possible.
Those months of separation in 1993 were so horrible but they also brought about one of the happiest moments that wouldn't have otherwise happened:
Reunited with the kids, one on each arm all of us sleeping on the floor. My boy said "Dad?'' and then he sat up and said ``I love you more than anybody.''
That moment wouldn't have happened if not for the separation and pain. Absence does make the heart grow fonder so all sorts of things will happen in this time apart. Parents too hate each other at the start of a divorce but they too have to realign and figure a way to relate in the new order (that takes way longer).
Fast forward to yesterday: my son just turned 33. The day we before we went with the WHOLE family to celebrate his birthday. His mom, my second wife. He now has five younger siblings.
The table was full and we got there late so I felt like a total loser seated at one extreme end of the table while he and his mother and his wife and his sister were all on the extreme other side. Thought ''oh well, won't get close today.'' And at one point, he just got up and moved right over and sat next to me for most of the time leaving his wife and mom and sister on the other side of the super long table (there were about 12 of us).
That single gesture made me feel valued, important (what every writer wants right?). Did the history have something to do with that? I think so. I think it may be why St. Faustina called suffering a great gift.
That is why Americans says "no pain, no gain'' and why Polish people say "No cross, no crown.'' Will pray for all of you.
