Mary: Thank you for reading my work and for your extensive comments. You asked an essential question: "Where is it?"

So I took some time to pray on that one and I think the answer is the Bible, the Catechism (Father Mike Schmitiz did beautiful podcasts reading and commenting on each) and ultimately in every human heart that is open to hearing and connecting with God.

I truly do understand at least some of the pain you reference as I have my own wounds and scars (I think we all do in one way or another).

A wise writer said good and evil run through every human heart so there have indeed been many bad people within the Church which is why they say the only thing wrong with Christianity is Christians. Pope Francis calls it a field hospital. And Benedict said the mission of the Church could be summed up in one word: Healing.

A turning point for me came a decade ago when I was enduring a pretty painful trial and resolved to go to a Church every day to pray a 40 day novena. At that time, I wasn't interested in talking to anyone but God alone. I found myself coming around 3 p.m. (Jesus told St. Faustina that 3:00 was a special holy hour because he died at that time) and I wound up concluding if I was traveling to a Church to pray, I might as well be part of a Mass and receive the Eucharist. That started a healthy habit.

I think most of us become Catholic because of our culture and parents but the best reason is Jesus founded the Church. So I hope you do find a parish where you feel at home and if not, there are other ways. Our friends at the Encounter School offer some very helpful prayer for inner healing via Zoom (for free) if you are ever interested or if you know someone who could use prayer and good converation. Here is a link: https://encounterministries.us/inner-healing-freedom-2/

Again. I sincerely thank you for reading and commenting on my work (that's the food for all us writers. And I just wanted you to know I prayed for you at Mass and Eucharistic Adoration this morning!